I’m attempting to go about my routine with only a few tears here and there.
The reality is that there is a space that is left empty that my other pets cannot fill. Because they are not my kitty.
It’s progress that I’m not pushing. I couldn’t even if I wanted to.
Focusing on the good and not the bad.
Focusing on life and not death.
Focusing on the here and now.
A cloud of sadness hangs in the air here at my house without my kitty.
It’s empty. Very, very empty.
It’s very hard to care right now about anything or anyone.
It’s numbing. I have no more tears to shed.
I force myself to eat. To keep moving. Routine helps. Hoping work will help.
Hoping something will help.
It’s been a long time since I’ve experienced death. You forget the heartache involved until it happens again.
For my kids, this is their first real taste of it. They were so young when my other dogs passed.
While I am still surrounded by three cats and two dogs, there is something missing. It’s as if the family is not complete with my other cat gone.
I am finding it really hard to do anything right now…
I know time will heal, as it did the past.
Yet, I find that uncomforting at the moment.
Time heals because you move on and forget. I don’t want to forget…
Life sucks right now. I find no comfort in the Bible, God, or even my other animals.
So I find myself sitting, waiting, hoping, and praying
For time to heal.
And this sucks.
Today, my cat died in my daughter’s arms. She had renal disease, as I posted HERE
My house is too quiet. My heart is too wounded. You love so much, and it hurts so much. Yet life goes on when you don’t want it to. In sum, life sucks at these moments.
WHAT I MISS ABOUT MY KITTY
- I miss her meowing for milk every time I opened the fridge door.
- I miss her meowing for food.
- I miss her laying on plastic bags, cardboard boxes, clothes, and whatever else was on the floor.
- I miss her purring on my lap.
- I miss petting her.
- I miss having to worry about putting food up because she would jump up and eat it.
- I miss her curiosity.
- I miss her darting out an open door every time one opened.
- I miss finding her on the front porch at 3 am cause she darted out and got left.
- I miss her catching our mice.
- I miss her sitting outside on the back patio.
- I miss her helping me roll out.
- I miss her helping me do handstands.
- I miss her helping me workout.
- I miss her. Period.
Happy New Year!
May this year be full and bright.